i do not know what to speak of, i do not know what to act nor i do not know what to think of better things that could come up with my mind.
i never realized it could be this stressful, depressing and it's like a sedation that changes to panic and nausea, And breath starts to shorten and heartbeats pound softer.
the adrenalin is ranging from high to low and low to high yet the nothing is really varying. Cause it caught me off guard, now I'm running and screaming.
i never imagined it could astray this distant although no matter how far it goes it keeps on seeking a path, direction in its point of origin.
i never thought that it could break me apart i keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart, but not this time. I won't try to philosophize!
It's better off this way, for all the dirty looks. I'm not okay. To be a joke and look, another line. without a hook. I'm not okay.
i thought I'm off free, but i was wrong, so wrong that insanity beats me up. I'll never make it on my own. I can never be that someone.
i can never have the urge for what I'm looking for, I can never have the courage to continue what I'm fighting for. I'm getting weaker and weaker as time goes by. and I pray for someone to get a grip off my dilemma.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again. I'm awake in the infinite cold. How I wish this would halt!
Honestly.
Emptiness have finally arrived! Words have more meaning, if they're said at certain times.
"Kasama kitang lumuha
Dahil sa‘yo ako’y may pag-asa
Ang awiting ito’y para sa‘yo
At kung maubos ang tinig, di magsisisi
Dahil iyong narinig mula sa labi ko
Salamat"
I'm sick and tired of everything.
My hopes are so high, that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
Broken this fragile thing now, and I can't, I can't pick up the pieces, and I've thrown my words all around, I feel so broken up, And I give up, I just...
I hear the ticking of the clock, I'm lying here the room's pitch dark. No answer on the telephone
and the night goes by so very slow. Oh I hope that it won't end though
i know nothing.
Welcome to the planet. Welcome to existence. Everyone's here. What happens next. I dare!
No one knows what it's like. To be the bad man. To be the sad man. Behind blue eyes. And no one knows. What it's like to be hated. To be fated to telling only lies.
"I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes
me want to come back home"
it's already 9:42 in the morning and I'm still not done with this blog. I suddenly slept off my computer is left turned on.
I can't think of anything else just to pursue this crap. I'm still sleepy and I'm not in the mood to day. I feel weak and all.
to be continued...
Friday, July 25, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
confused, tired and frustrated...
today i woke up so late, it was like past 11 in the morning, couple of minutes before the clock strikes 12. i was supposed to wake up early, early as in 5 or 6am in the morning to work out and do the things i have to do, indeed i did wake up between those time ive set, unfortunately im not in the mood to stand up and prepare for the day due to the coldness of my room, i didn't reduce the level of my thermostat. aw. there, so i stayed for an additional 5-6 hours in bed.
when i finally woke up, stand and fix myself, i saw my laptop turned on, i realize i didn't turn it off last night. i went downstairs and saw my food is already prepared by ate doy. I didn't want to eat rice so i decided to eat bread and ham inside it. i grab some fit n right in the frige and sat to watch tv programs. so i watched for an hour or more i think until i asked ate doy to prepare some lunch. I ate but after i went upstairs to work on the things i have to do. it was like past 2pm. but im not in the mood to work so i just emailed my groupmates on what to do. i decided to surf and surf and i said to myself and to my groupmates that we'll work when the sun sets, like past 5pm or so. but i think we formally started working like 6pm.
everything's messed up, jumbled, im using 2 laptops, kuya robin's net is disconnecting every now and then. so we turned down the conference so that everything will be organized and accordingly. it was hard really. talking to 2 persons at the same time, using keyboard. so i and kuya jr decided to use voice chat. while i and jacy decided to type. because jacy don't have speaker at the moment and her brother is using their laptop. so there.
we work and work and work. we're almost halfway finish on the intro and related lit. a couple of revisions and additional infos. and for the methodology we plan to make it when dian is available. so we decided to use agile methodology not spiral methodology. cause jacy said it's more appropriate.
now it's already 10:49 in the evening a couple of minutes before 11pm and im still not done with our background of the project. it's almost halfway done but still marami pa rin ang kulang. im again not in the mood to continue it cause if i will force myself, it might turn out to be a mess so i decided to blog all the things i want to blog, whatever blog. haha :))
my family is still not here, they went last wednesday to batangas, then to mindoro, then to boracay, then to caticlan-aklan, then finally to negros occ. For the first time, they didn't ride on a plane and it was their first time to take the cargo ship because they brought a car with them. awts too bad for me i dunno when will i be able to experience a long cargo/ferry trip. amps. i never had one. oh i had but it's only like 6-8 hours. i made a trip once like 14 hours but it's a road trip. while the trip to negros occ ff the batangas route is like more than a day. so there. but i think they're in busay. soo sad i never get the chance to join the escapade because of these damn painstaking studies! aw. haha :)) kidding. but it's ok there's always a second time. anyway, i might not enjoy the trip and just stay in the car because i think they took a cargo ship, ro-ro, roll-on roll-off not the super ferry. because they took the batangas route. and what i want is the super ferry so that i would definitely enjoy the trip. haha :)) they might be back this week or maybe next week. i dunno.
so now im just contemplating. thinking. set my thoughts on some matters that's rumbling in my mind. aw. i never get the chance to fix everything. :(( everythin's messed up and still messing up. double sigh....
im always thinking of things that's makin' me loose my concentrations on more important things like studies, families and friends. but i can't blame my thoughts and feelings, it suddenly passes by with a sudden gust of cold/warm wind. aw.
im currently listening to a korean song, it's a st in witch yoo hee. tryin' to find out if it's nice because kuya jr ask me to listen to it and find out what. well i find it nice though. but i like more other korean songs like the ost of full house and forbidden live or nine tailed fox sounds naruto isn't it? haha :))
okay back to writing. so where was i na nga? aw. haha amps. i searched for importand cds kasi. uhm ndi pala. aun basta naghanap ako ng mga cds. ndi ko makita dl nalang sa net. haha :)) kasalanan na naman un sa law at kay lord. pls forgive me :)
ayan ala nako sa mood to discuss the things na dapat nakalagay talaga dito. aw. ive been obstructed by some sort of something. anu kaya un? haha :))
toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooootttttttttttttt..
i have to sleep na it's 12:45 mn and i still need to go to church at 7am! awts too early. must wake up early.
if ever i will.. not??
next time nalng....
i might !!! haah :))
i never really had problems with this matter, it's just i dunno it turned out to be a problem lately. and now i have a lot more problem. i dunno what's wrong with me. it turned to be that im falling again. shux i can't believe im sayin this but im really stuck in the past. stuck with yanna. crap. why does it have to be this way. i tried to stop my emotions but it never halt. in fact it still continue to grow and grow. damn. oi para kay lora at ian at kung sinung friend/contact ko dito sa multiply shut lang kau jan! ehem. getting back... i never realized that it could be this worst. aw.. :(( oh well i just have to admit the fact that i still love her. hahaha :)) i made a crap of reflection for persef2 i dunno if i blog it. becos im suppose to blog all my reflections but im thinking ill just post it in blogspot. haha :)) im shy. awts.....
it's killing me grrrrr....
i don't need a girl!! haha counterpart of i don't need a man.... ndi pala girl woman pala.
haha jowk lang !! :))
maybe they were right, i have to move on. but how? where will i start? like from scratch? hell no!! amps.. tellin to myself that im not in love with here and im over it the fact that im lying to myself. pakshet naman oh!! cuts wrist nalng!!!. ----- nccra na ulo ko dito. haha. if ill do that im just foolin myself. no way. bahala na!! what tfh.
tapos academics pa. lmang na ata mga extra cur ko kesa academics. tama na to. resign na!! haha joke lang. :) kaya ko to 70:30 70% acads 30% extra cur yeah..!!!
i need a 2.5 up in calculus. please give it to me. puleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzz!!
it's now or never. haha
how bout friends. well it's fine goin' smooth. friends who left, never came back but still they are there, they were good friends but not anymore. maybe just have to live our separate ways. thanks to them they became part of my life hoping it will happen again like in some movie saying "history has to repeat itself ata. i think from hp! haha :)) thanks, super..
friends who stayed, thanks rin. you stayed. un lang.
bestfriends i left, im sori but we have to part. we're living on diff worlds now. i mean we're so apart, no not that. i mean it just happen so quick i duuno why. but still you'll always remain my bestfriend until we learn how to get back together like the old times. :)
bestfriends who left me. ala naman ata. ahah:))
bestfriends at present. they were good. they were nice. i love them all. i trust them most importantly they are ohana! haha :)) wierd. they are there meant to stay with me forever till we grow up till the crabs learn to fly and the birds have claws. till the end of the world, until we die. aw naman. but.......... i dunno...
parang my something. hahaha. :__ hirap eh.. dunno how to express it.
i don't want to fool myself anymore. i mean basta. i don't know myself anymore, i think it's not me anymore, ive changed a lot and now im tryin my best to go back to where ive started to where i belong.
i can be that person but i dunno, i don't want to kid around, i ain't fooling no one. im at times but i don't want to be somebody else just to please my friends, just to fit in their world; to be so studious and tedious and responsible lasallian just to prove that im good, to be a dl i once have the chance i just lost it, to be somebody else, to be a good leader and many more, to be so religious and holy that everysong in my pc, cp, mp3 player and anywhere are hillsong and christian songs, everywhere i look i see lyrics and scriptures which pertains to those things, to listen to korean,jap and chinese songs, to go to parties, jamming and malls, to make a fool of other people, to be cool, and a lot more, to be sp active in lots of orgs, to be an officer, to make sacrifices, to be a faci, to make things against my will, to think of others and not think of myself, to prove something.. do i have to be like that just to fit in their world? ok im like that at times but the big question is that do i need to be somebody so that they will be more comfortable, more pleased with me?
mahirap. haha beleive me!!! :))
but it doesn't matter. well i dunno. for me it matters when i think of it when it reaches the top of my mind.
what else do i need to prove to make it right? just like a geometry problem, i need to prove it first to know that the statement is correct. the only difference is that both ends coincides, it can be proven first but it can be proven later.
i dunno where this blog would end? i dunno when this will end also. haha:)) crap!
haha. hindi ko na inisip ung makakabasa nito. bahala na kung anung comments.. sana good comments.. :)) aw ..
im currently listening to osts of forbbiden love aka gumiho wenjuh or nine tailed fox. i like it soo much. hehe :)) yan ung dinownload ko ksi diku makita ung cd nung sis ko dami kasi.
ui anggaling magkapantay ung dalwang smiley. haha anu ba yan! aw. indi pa ko inaantok awts.
must contemplate more.
to be continued...
when i finally woke up, stand and fix myself, i saw my laptop turned on, i realize i didn't turn it off last night. i went downstairs and saw my food is already prepared by ate doy. I didn't want to eat rice so i decided to eat bread and ham inside it. i grab some fit n right in the frige and sat to watch tv programs. so i watched for an hour or more i think until i asked ate doy to prepare some lunch. I ate but after i went upstairs to work on the things i have to do. it was like past 2pm. but im not in the mood to work so i just emailed my groupmates on what to do. i decided to surf and surf and i said to myself and to my groupmates that we'll work when the sun sets, like past 5pm or so. but i think we formally started working like 6pm.
everything's messed up, jumbled, im using 2 laptops, kuya robin's net is disconnecting every now and then. so we turned down the conference so that everything will be organized and accordingly. it was hard really. talking to 2 persons at the same time, using keyboard. so i and kuya jr decided to use voice chat. while i and jacy decided to type. because jacy don't have speaker at the moment and her brother is using their laptop. so there.
we work and work and work. we're almost halfway finish on the intro and related lit. a couple of revisions and additional infos. and for the methodology we plan to make it when dian is available. so we decided to use agile methodology not spiral methodology. cause jacy said it's more appropriate.
now it's already 10:49 in the evening a couple of minutes before 11pm and im still not done with our background of the project. it's almost halfway done but still marami pa rin ang kulang. im again not in the mood to continue it cause if i will force myself, it might turn out to be a mess so i decided to blog all the things i want to blog, whatever blog. haha :))
my family is still not here, they went last wednesday to batangas, then to mindoro, then to boracay, then to caticlan-aklan, then finally to negros occ. For the first time, they didn't ride on a plane and it was their first time to take the cargo ship because they brought a car with them. awts too bad for me i dunno when will i be able to experience a long cargo/ferry trip. amps. i never had one. oh i had but it's only like 6-8 hours. i made a trip once like 14 hours but it's a road trip. while the trip to negros occ ff the batangas route is like more than a day. so there. but i think they're in busay. soo sad i never get the chance to join the escapade because of these damn painstaking studies! aw. haha :)) kidding. but it's ok there's always a second time. anyway, i might not enjoy the trip and just stay in the car because i think they took a cargo ship, ro-ro, roll-on roll-off not the super ferry. because they took the batangas route. and what i want is the super ferry so that i would definitely enjoy the trip. haha :)) they might be back this week or maybe next week. i dunno.
so now im just contemplating. thinking. set my thoughts on some matters that's rumbling in my mind. aw. i never get the chance to fix everything. :(( everythin's messed up and still messing up. double sigh....
im always thinking of things that's makin' me loose my concentrations on more important things like studies, families and friends. but i can't blame my thoughts and feelings, it suddenly passes by with a sudden gust of cold/warm wind. aw.
im currently listening to a korean song, it's a st in witch yoo hee. tryin' to find out if it's nice because kuya jr ask me to listen to it and find out what. well i find it nice though. but i like more other korean songs like the ost of full house and forbidden live or nine tailed fox sounds naruto isn't it? haha :))
okay back to writing. so where was i na nga? aw. haha amps. i searched for importand cds kasi. uhm ndi pala. aun basta naghanap ako ng mga cds. ndi ko makita dl nalang sa net. haha :)) kasalanan na naman un sa law at kay lord. pls forgive me :)
ayan ala nako sa mood to discuss the things na dapat nakalagay talaga dito. aw. ive been obstructed by some sort of something. anu kaya un? haha :))
toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooootttttttttttttt..
i have to sleep na it's 12:45 mn and i still need to go to church at 7am! awts too early. must wake up early.
if ever i will.. not??
next time nalng....
i might !!! haah :))
i never really had problems with this matter, it's just i dunno it turned out to be a problem lately. and now i have a lot more problem. i dunno what's wrong with me. it turned to be that im falling again. shux i can't believe im sayin this but im really stuck in the past. stuck with yanna. crap. why does it have to be this way. i tried to stop my emotions but it never halt. in fact it still continue to grow and grow. damn. oi para kay lora at ian at kung sinung friend/contact ko dito sa multiply shut lang kau jan! ehem. getting back... i never realized that it could be this worst. aw.. :(( oh well i just have to admit the fact that i still love her. hahaha :)) i made a crap of reflection for persef2 i dunno if i blog it. becos im suppose to blog all my reflections but im thinking ill just post it in blogspot. haha :)) im shy. awts.....
it's killing me grrrrr....
i don't need a girl!! haha counterpart of i don't need a man.... ndi pala girl woman pala.
haha jowk lang !! :))
maybe they were right, i have to move on. but how? where will i start? like from scratch? hell no!! amps.. tellin to myself that im not in love with here and im over it the fact that im lying to myself. pakshet naman oh!! cuts wrist nalng!!!. ----- nccra na ulo ko dito. haha. if ill do that im just foolin myself. no way. bahala na!! what tfh.
tapos academics pa. lmang na ata mga extra cur ko kesa academics. tama na to. resign na!! haha joke lang. :) kaya ko to 70:30 70% acads 30% extra cur yeah..!!!
i need a 2.5 up in calculus. please give it to me. puleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzz!!
it's now or never. haha
how bout friends. well it's fine goin' smooth. friends who left, never came back but still they are there, they were good friends but not anymore. maybe just have to live our separate ways. thanks to them they became part of my life hoping it will happen again like in some movie saying "history has to repeat itself ata. i think from hp! haha :)) thanks, super..
friends who stayed, thanks rin. you stayed. un lang.
bestfriends i left, im sori but we have to part. we're living on diff worlds now. i mean we're so apart, no not that. i mean it just happen so quick i duuno why. but still you'll always remain my bestfriend until we learn how to get back together like the old times. :)
bestfriends who left me. ala naman ata. ahah:))
bestfriends at present. they were good. they were nice. i love them all. i trust them most importantly they are ohana! haha :)) wierd. they are there meant to stay with me forever till we grow up till the crabs learn to fly and the birds have claws. till the end of the world, until we die. aw naman. but.......... i dunno...
parang my something. hahaha. :__ hirap eh.. dunno how to express it.
i don't want to fool myself anymore. i mean basta. i don't know myself anymore, i think it's not me anymore, ive changed a lot and now im tryin my best to go back to where ive started to where i belong.
i can be that person but i dunno, i don't want to kid around, i ain't fooling no one. im at times but i don't want to be somebody else just to please my friends, just to fit in their world; to be so studious and tedious and responsible lasallian just to prove that im good, to be a dl i once have the chance i just lost it, to be somebody else, to be a good leader and many more, to be so religious and holy that everysong in my pc, cp, mp3 player and anywhere are hillsong and christian songs, everywhere i look i see lyrics and scriptures which pertains to those things, to listen to korean,jap and chinese songs, to go to parties, jamming and malls, to make a fool of other people, to be cool, and a lot more, to be sp active in lots of orgs, to be an officer, to make sacrifices, to be a faci, to make things against my will, to think of others and not think of myself, to prove something.. do i have to be like that just to fit in their world? ok im like that at times but the big question is that do i need to be somebody so that they will be more comfortable, more pleased with me?
mahirap. haha beleive me!!! :))
but it doesn't matter. well i dunno. for me it matters when i think of it when it reaches the top of my mind.
what else do i need to prove to make it right? just like a geometry problem, i need to prove it first to know that the statement is correct. the only difference is that both ends coincides, it can be proven first but it can be proven later.
i dunno where this blog would end? i dunno when this will end also. haha:)) crap!
haha. hindi ko na inisip ung makakabasa nito. bahala na kung anung comments.. sana good comments.. :)) aw ..
im currently listening to osts of forbbiden love aka gumiho wenjuh or nine tailed fox. i like it soo much. hehe :)) yan ung dinownload ko ksi diku makita ung cd nung sis ko dami kasi.
ui anggaling magkapantay ung dalwang smiley. haha anu ba yan! aw. indi pa ko inaantok awts.
must contemplate more.
to be continued...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Miss Conception
I watched this movie like yesterday, because yesterday lang natapos ung download, so it's like a one day download. It's a torrent, I am not sure if it's new of not. It just so happen that Edward told me the synopsis and pooof, i decided to watch the movie, so I downloaded it. oh yeah. so here it goes.
It was all about a girl, who has a week left to be fertiled, and be pregnant and after that week, she will never be pregnant and have a baby. And she was scared though, because she really want to have a kids sadly her bf have many plans but having a baby is not one of his plans. Unfortunately, she failed to say those tests in her bf and they got cold with each other, and they broke-up.
Soon after, the girl and her friends planned on how she can be pregnant within that week, like go to a funeral and find a guy, in a party, in a club, and anywhere. It's like each day they have a plan. Until it reaches the final day and still they fail to accomplish their goal.
And then after awhile, the bf thought that he was doing the wrong thing. Go back to his girl and tried to make things up. Until they became one again and soon after, the girl suprised her bf that she is pregnant. It was like a miracle because that's 3 months after.
So there. they finally have a baby. yehey.
So what's the point?
hhmmm.
Well, I like this movie, mainly it depicts a responsibility of a mother, or a parent. It shows how a mother really cares for her child, how she want to have one when the right time comes. Even if the movie is kinda green, it has full of moral lessons indeed. You should watch this though. I can give you a copy.
One more thing, the flick shows the phrase "it's never too late" so we should work for it until it turns out right.
And that we should do the best of what we can, make people happy, love them, trust them as early as possible, do the most appropriate thing while it's early, because you'll never know what will happen tomorrow, do it while the clock is still ticking, but when it ran out, who knows, it might end there and halt.
I was very amazed with this movie.! that's it.
So I just have to do the things I need, correct my mistakes and as early as possible make people happy because I don't know if it will be the end of the world tomorrow. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. So it's better to work early and finish late, than to work late but finish early. right? so that's all. :)
It was all about a girl, who has a week left to be fertiled, and be pregnant and after that week, she will never be pregnant and have a baby. And she was scared though, because she really want to have a kids sadly her bf have many plans but having a baby is not one of his plans. Unfortunately, she failed to say those tests in her bf and they got cold with each other, and they broke-up.
Soon after, the girl and her friends planned on how she can be pregnant within that week, like go to a funeral and find a guy, in a party, in a club, and anywhere. It's like each day they have a plan. Until it reaches the final day and still they fail to accomplish their goal.
And then after awhile, the bf thought that he was doing the wrong thing. Go back to his girl and tried to make things up. Until they became one again and soon after, the girl suprised her bf that she is pregnant. It was like a miracle because that's 3 months after.
So there. they finally have a baby. yehey.
So what's the point?
hhmmm.
Well, I like this movie, mainly it depicts a responsibility of a mother, or a parent. It shows how a mother really cares for her child, how she want to have one when the right time comes. Even if the movie is kinda green, it has full of moral lessons indeed. You should watch this though. I can give you a copy.
One more thing, the flick shows the phrase "it's never too late" so we should work for it until it turns out right.
And that we should do the best of what we can, make people happy, love them, trust them as early as possible, do the most appropriate thing while it's early, because you'll never know what will happen tomorrow, do it while the clock is still ticking, but when it ran out, who knows, it might end there and halt.
I was very amazed with this movie.! that's it.
So I just have to do the things I need, correct my mistakes and as early as possible make people happy because I don't know if it will be the end of the world tomorrow. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. So it's better to work early and finish late, than to work late but finish early. right? so that's all. :)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
sell
selling
memory modules for laptop (sodimm):
two 512m 2Rx16 ddr2 pc2-4200S 533 MHz (very good condition) = 700php/pc or 1350php both
one 2gb 2Rx8 ddr2-5300S 667 MHz (defective) = 500 php
authentic games for pc:
used-tony hawks pro skater(1cd) = 7$ or 250php
the sims deluxe edition (2 cds) = 29.99$ or 1250php
the sims makin' the magic expansion pack (2 cds) = 15$ or 600php
the sims superstar expansion pack (2 cds) = 15$ or 600php
the sims unleashed expansion pack (2 cds) = 15$ or 600php
the sims house party expansion pack (1 cd) = 8.50$ or 350php
the sims hot date expansion pack (1 cd) = 8.50$ or 350php
pm me for faster transactions
memory modules for laptop (sodimm):
two 512m 2Rx16 ddr2 pc2-4200S 533 MHz (very good condition) = 700php/pc or 1350php both
one 2gb 2Rx8 ddr2-5300S 667 MHz (defective) = 500 php
authentic games for pc:
used-tony hawks pro skater(1cd) = 7$ or 250php
the sims deluxe edition (2 cds) = 29.99$ or 1250php
the sims makin' the magic expansion pack (2 cds) = 15$ or 600php
the sims superstar expansion pack (2 cds) = 15$ or 600php
the sims unleashed expansion pack (2 cds) = 15$ or 600php
the sims house party expansion pack (1 cd) = 8.50$ or 350php
the sims hot date expansion pack (1 cd) = 8.50$ or 350php
pm me for faster transactions
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