This is me? This is not me.

I haven't blog in quite some time. Just too lazy and stubborn or so, to think I have the time I can grab for to make a sensible blog.

Lately I've been thinking, contemplating, delving very deeper of what had happened these past days of my life. I've been setting up my mind to what I have become lately; Realizing of what I have been doing lately and so. Now to make it short I've been having a hard time trying to think and analyze a part of my life lately. And it's freaking me out.

Leave it as it is, but seriously I've gone mad for quite some time; And to think I enjoyed, but did my spirit and soul really enjoyed my activities lately? Did I made God smiled between those times when I'm playing a lot? I guess not and surely I made Him feel disappointed.

I have stopped doing my fdts when 2nd term was over like for a month more or less, I even stopped reading the bible; Nevertheless I read scriptures online and share it on plurk, but I suppose that was surely not enough. I even forgot to pray almost all the time and just pray when I am in church. But eventhough I never stopped going to church. We always go to church every Sunday. Clarifications, I only stopped doing these things the time when the term ends. But I resumed doing these things when the new term started, specifically my first formdev class and first bible study. I have came to a realization.

I don't know what came to my senses that I stopped doing such very important things in my life. And I didn't realize it could cause this much disaster and is very troublesome to me and to those people I have affected of what I have become. I will not further elaborate or expand of these things because I really dispise it and I have halted doing those things yesterday or like 2 days ago. But really it's very troublesome and disappointing. I feel sorry for those people I have victimized as I see it. I do not know much of the words where I could express it in a manner understandable by the mass.

And that's why I have made a decision, a choice where there's no turning back, but maybe I guess this is the best thing I could do. Maybe not the best for some or even for me. But for now, this is the least I could do to lessen the burden or troubles to me and to others.

Maybe I should halt here at this point before I shed a tear :D and continue my "too much drama" here. Or should I say my choice, decisions, analyzation and my realizations. For now, this is what I have.