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The Ultimate Blog Post

While blogging has only reached prominence in the last few years, it was actually invented by the ancient Romans who built a majestic blog in 200 BC from marble, granite and links they stole from the Greeks.

"Blog" itself is short for "weblog," which is short for "we blog because we weren't very popular in high school and we're trying to gain respect and admiration without actually having to be around people."

Creating your own blog is about as easy as creating your own urine, and you're about as likely to find someone else interested in it. One popular technique for building readership is to send e-mail to more well-trafficked blogs offering to exchange links with them. One popular response from those blogs is to laugh derisively and hit the Delete button.

Another approach for advertising your blog is to mention it as much as possible in conversation; you'd be surprised how many people are fascinated to hear you have a blog and want to know more, especially if you were expecting the number to be greater than zero.

However, there are many popular blogs already in existence, and if you want people to think you're cool, you're probably better off claiming you were a "guest blogger" for one of them. Your average blog has so many guest bloggers and such a crappy search feature that nobody will ever be able to prove you wrong.

As a handy guide for crafting your horrible lies, here's a list of some of the already popular blogs out there. (I'm omitting the blogs at Wired, because, hey, I have to work with these people.) Along with each blog's name, I've provided what would be the ultimate perfect blog entry for that particular blog. I'm tired of the word "blog" now.

Blogs and their ultimate perfect entry:

Boing Boing: Crocheted replica of subway map cracks DRM on collection of old video games.

FARK: Drunk frat boy in Florida has sex with underage donkey, sues Strong Bad for negligence. Still no cure for overused in-jokes.

Slashdot: AMD, SCO patent MP3 over TCP/IP, sue ATI, EA. Microsoft probably responsible somehow.

Kottke: Elwin Festerator is the unsung inventor of the curly telephone cord. "I looked at a straight telephone cord, and I asked myself, Elwin, why can't that be curly? So I went out and got my brand-new curling gun, and I curled the hell out of it." Related link: New Yorker article on the Olympic curling team.

Engadget: Samsung releases new cell phone/mp3 player/camera/web browser/GPS/game player/wireless hub. Now in gray!

Joystiq: Will Wright to design first-person Warcraft shooter for the Wii. Jack Thompson responds with aneurysm.

Groklaw: Transcript of SCO deposition on previous court order concerning applicability of evidence to last year's motion to review earlier statements. Seriously, we love this stuff.

Daily Kos: Bush caught in three-way with Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.

Little Green Footballs: Bush enjoys triumphant three-way with Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.

Gawker: Paris Hilton does pretty much anything.

Cute Overload: A kitten licks a puppy while the puppy licks a bunny.

Fleshbot: Same as Cute Overload, only with coeds.

MacRumors: Apple is going to sue us for revealing that Apple is going to sue us.

MAKE blog: How to create a nuclear accelerator using a Flash drive, a Commodore 64 and a guy named Roger.

Metafilter: Unhelpful link text. Extra links added for padding that have little to do with the main topic of the entry. Are extremely loaded rhetorical questions the only thing that can save us now?

Digg: Hey, cool, someone wrote an article about Digg!

Totoong Version Daw ng Twilight (pinoy version)

*grabbed from ate ina

Twilight ( Kanto Version )


Kasi pare ganito daw yun. may isa daw babae na hot daw pare. pero maputla
siya kasi hindi siya inalagaan ng nanay niya pare. tapos pare emo daw siya
kasi nga daw hindi siya mahal ng mundo at para siyang patay na bata na galit
sa mundo. tapos pare, lumipat daw siya ng tirahan kasi daw masyado daw
siyang emo para sa luma niyang tirahan. sabi niya sa nanay niya "tangina mo
nay gusto ko lumipat kay tay". tangina pare hindi nagalit nanay niya. sabi
lang ng nanay niya "tangina mo pare wag ka magmura".

so lumipat siya sa tatay niya di ba? pagkarating niya dun sabi niya,
"tangina erpat bakit maulan dito?" sabi ng erpat niya "gago "bur" months na!
malamig na tangena". so nagtaka yung babaeng simula ngayon ay tatawagin na
lang nating "babaeng maputla at emo".

so pumasok siya sa school di ba? binigyan siya ng truck ng tatay niya pare.
sabi ng tatay niya "tangina mo sa'yo na tong truck ko". sabi niya "salamat
tay".

pagkarating niyang school tsong, may nakita siyang lalaking mukhang bangkay
pero pogi. sakto. pogi pero mukhang bangkay. sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo
"hot pare".

nung chem lab na ni babaeng maputla at emo, natagpuan niyang lab partner
niya yung poging bangkay. so nung tinignan siya nung poging bangaky, ang
asim ng mukha nito. mukhang nandiri ata kay babaeng maputla at emo.

sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina
KA". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina NIYA oh *tumuro sa teacher nila*". sabi
ni babaeng maputla at emo "oo nga noh. TANGINA MO". sabi ni poging bangkay
"tangina mo gago bampira ako". tapos naghubad siya ng damit at kumintab ang
katawan niya kasi linagyan niya ng glitters ang abs niya kasi tigas siya at
ganun na ang mga tigas ngayon na nagpupuntang emba. Puta pare sarap niyang
isanla sa pawnshop feeling ko kikita ako ng malupet sa kanya! Isipin mo
shining shimering ang gago!

so anyways pare na in love si babaeng maputla at emo kay poging bangkay. si
poging bangkay naman sige lang kasi sex din daw yun. so ayun. angshweet
shweet nila. parang:

"eow poh... ahihihihi"

"bebe mwahugz,..... ^^, ilabshooo"

so tapos nun nagpunta sila sa damuhan kasi.... alam mo na. tapos sabi ni
poging bangkay "ikaw na buhay ko ngayon" sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo
"tangina mo gago patay ka na". sabi ni poging bangkay "TANGINA KA".

so basically pare yun lang yung mga importanteng nangyari sa buong storya.
intense noh? kaya pala nahhook lahat ng tao.

The Parable of the PC

In those days there were three computers, endowed equally by their makers with processing power, memory and addressable storage.

But Satan corrupted each operating system with the sly installation of spyware, browser hijackers and security holes until there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

The Maker, in His mercy, sent down His Holy Spirit to the despairing computers. The Holy Spirit appeared to each in the form of System Update to close the security holes and shore up the despairing software. It asked the question of each PC: Do you want to run System Update? and offering a checkbox saying "Always trust" the Maker.

The first PC, fearing yet another infection, quickly closed the update window. Within hours, the spyware already on it called out to legions of viruses and malware until the system shut down completely.

The second PC accepted the update, but was too frightened to check the "always trust" box. It sighed with relief as the Holy Spirit cleaned its systems and saved it from the worst of the demons. And it walked away with a false sense of security that it would be protected from future onslaughts. Within the month, spyware and malware crept back into the second PC and, before it could cry out to the Maker, it, too, crashed.

The third PC gratefully accepted the update and, in a leap of faith, checked the "always trust" box. Like the second PC, it received the merciful update from its Maker and began to feel much better. And then, as days and weeks went by, the Maker sent the Holy Spirit unbidden to shore up the PC's systems -- even when the PC was unaware it was being attacked.

Before long, the third PC was becoming famous among all its brethren for having the fewest problems, for working the fastest and for never seeming to worry when others crashed around it.

To those who asked, the third PC had only this advice: "Always trust the Maker."

A view on myself

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.